if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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