he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Boobs speak an international language.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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