Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
