Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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