I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
