I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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