gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
