I wanna passion pit in your ass
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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