I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
