Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
