right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
