I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i wish my penis had a tongue
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
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Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
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I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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