It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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