Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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