____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
