I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
