I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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