I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
