i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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