i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
