Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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