It's like God shit irony all over that family
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
