So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
