I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
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