That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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