just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Randomize
