One girl and one boy is just not enough.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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