There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
