dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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