It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
