I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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