I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
