you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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