im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
