Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
