I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
