I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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