I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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