Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
