I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
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There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
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There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize