make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
