just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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