Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
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That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
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WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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