please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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