So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
