I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
