I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
