I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
