if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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