But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm both gender and math confused
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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