So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
