I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
