Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
