I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
