i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
you had me at cake vodka
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
