I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
