so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
home. puking in laundry basket.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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