Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
