I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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