I'm going to jail i love you
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
