ugly people sure do ruin things
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
