And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
