how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
