I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
