My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
