I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together