I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
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whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
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I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.