My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls