Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
