He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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