Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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