we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
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i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
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I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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