And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
