i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so let's talk penis.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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