you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
