There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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