Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
