Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
