We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
