Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
