two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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