well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
