i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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