I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
