when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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