Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
