She is in my trunk
My first STD was from a foam party
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
