I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
