That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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